I'm a thirtysomething woman living in London. Until late 2009, I was in a relationship that was totally sexless and totally devoid of any tactile contact, let alone passion.

I was unwillingly celibate for that time and stayed for all manner of laudable reasons - love, shared experience and the belief that a 'functional' relationship, no matter how devoid of sexual action, was enough. It wasn't.
Not least as my OH was directing his sexual energies elsewhere and keeping up the pretence of trying to work on our relationship. (As if.)

This lasted a period of 4.5 years (! yes, you read that right !) until I finally at last came to my senses and ended it.
 
It's only since the demise of this relationship that I have started to talk to others and have discovered - to my surprise - that the phenomenon of sexless relationships and marriages is not nearly as unusual as you might think. In fact, that couple you know...the one who seem to have the 'perfect' relationship; well, they're probably not getting any either.

Whilst they probably haven't got such a racy story as my own, the outcome is the same, with one partner blissfully leading a sexually unfulfilled life, with the other dying oh so slowly inside.

I for one have always loved sex but it's true to say that this arid stretch has been hard to handle. It's affected me in more ways than I realised, some good, some bad but it's made me more determined than ever to fulfil my own sexual desires.

I still haven't had sex so am now up to the 5 year, 4 month mark. Frankly, it's getting ridiculous and more than I can bear.

This is my story of living unwillingly in a sexless, celibate relationship, keeping my inner 'zing' alive and emerging from the detritus to forge a new life. Be careful: it's messy.

Je t'embrasse....

LitA
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