Quick post this as another busy day looms. Work, then client meeting followed by first 'proper' counsellor session at lunch. It's the only time they could fit me in and frankly, I'm desperate and at a point where I need to get over this 'road-hump' in my life. But it's definitely a waterproof mascara day, that's for sure.
I can sit here and analyse ad infinitum why my OH didn't want to have sex with me, why he chose to see S&M prostitutes extensively and exclusively for the bulk of our LTR, ignore me sexually despite my begging him to have sex with me or even tackle the issue of our non-sex life, but even I see that is all a futile exercise. It wasn't my 'fault', we were just sexually incompatible - this I all 'get' - but what I'm having a real problem with is moving forward.
I want to, I know I need to....but I am scared that having stayed in what was clearly such a dysfunctional (ie, sexless) relationship for so long means that my judgement is off, that I'm going to make the same mistakes again and worst of all, that I must be a doormat. Logically, I can point to all the reasons why I stayed - love, shared experience, the hope that we could change it - but these all sound so hollow to my ears. I feel so....stupid. I'm not a victim, but I am just so....angry.
Once was enough. Never again.
So, lunchtime it is. I was recommended by a friend to use Relate and this is what I am doing, though I can't help but think it somewhat ironic that I'm going on my own: 'Couples Counselling' indeed. I went to the first assessment session last week and am slightly non-plussed by the process. £75 for the dubious privilege of hearing myself wittering on about blah blah no sex for 4.5years. Even I'm bored by it now.
I'm probably looking for the Silver Bullet that doesn't exist but I just want to move forward, whatever that means.
Having been so necessarily self-reliant for so long, purely as a Survival Tactic, I just don't trust anyone.
The Ex knows I am going to counselling. I have suggested we go together, mainly as I really want to get 'closure' and move on. But as he still won't discuss his sexual interests with me at all and is using the same avoidance / non discussion tactics he used throughout our relationship - it's a brick wall.
This makes me so *&^%*&%*&%* mad. But then, what else should I expect?
This is Me
I'm a thirtysomething woman living in London.
This is my story of living unwillingly in a sexless, celibate relationship, keeping my inner 'zing' alive and emerging from the detritus to forge a new life. Be careful: it's messy.
This is my story of living unwillingly in a sexless, celibate relationship, keeping my inner 'zing' alive and emerging from the detritus to forge a new life. Be careful: it's messy.
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Hey there, getting over an ex is hard - we all do it differently - I just walked away and got a counsellor which help then had some meanless no strings (but safe-ish) sex with a variety of partners over a short period of time and then decided that the least contact I could have with my ex the better. And the further I could get away at least emotionally from my old life the better.
I now help people in that situation get over the past and move forward using a combination of counselling, hypnoanalysis and CBT and it really works. Often I see a change in my clients in 3-4 weeks and frequently we only need 8-10 sessions and they are as one client put it reborn.
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